Monday, March 7, 2016

The Mom Judgement

I've been struggling lately with the mom judgement. Do you know what I'm talking about? The moms who think their way is the best way of doing things and thus your way is lesser.  For example, everyone should breastfeed. Well, let's start by saying that doesn't work for everyone. Some people beat themselves up with how hard it is, to the point where it impacts their mental health. Some people hate the experience. Some people, like me with my first kid, never have their milk come in. Everyone is different and we're blessed to live in a time where we have the ability to feed a child through formula if needed. Now, I'll agree that a lot of the research says breast milk is valuable for babies development. Newer research says we've overstated that. I don't really know which to believe. But I do know we should honor each mother and her individual way for feeding her child.

Secondly, let's talk about carrying your baby. I have pretty advanced scoliosis. The last two months or so of pregnancy is constant back pain for me. And not like the back pain people with straight backs have. For example, when I was running doctors said I hit the ground at three times the pressure of someone with a straight back. (Thus the reason I don't run anymore!) Pre-delivery, I'm beholden to Tylenol and a heating pad for helping me get through each day. I don't talk about that much because I've seen the looks from moms when I've said how much Tylenol I take in a day. Post delivery, I rely heavily on my stroller so I don't have a kiddo strapped to me creating more back pain. Some mamas who wear the baby just don't get that. To which I really just want to say "enjoy your straight back."

Even the choice of delivery is something that moms seem to judge each other on. Completely natural versus vaginal with epidural versus c section. With my son, a c section was not my ideal. After many, many hours of labor pains and two hours of pushing, his little crooked head wasn't going to make it's way. I trusted my doctor's advice. This time, we're doing a scheduled c section. This is again on medical advice. Because the boy was a failure to progress, the advice was it was best to assume the girl would be the same. It's interesting to me how people react to scheduled c section. Yes, major surgery is not my ideal still. But I've talked it over with numerous doctors in my practice as well as my husband and it seems the best course of action considering last time.

I really wish moms could be more respectful of other moms choices. We all parent differently. As long as your kid is growing, developing, and generally happy (or you are working with a medical team on issues in those areas) let's raise each other up. It's a sisterhood people! We *should* be helping each other to feel acceptance and support. Because mom-ing is hard enough without the judgement. 

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